We Have Issues
By greigzilla
December 20, 2024
While the weird and wonderful world of Spaghetti Westerns
can understandably be rather a niche and confusing place thanks to each film
often owning a multitude of conflicting titles, dubbing that makes a Japanese
monster movie seem subtle and a sense of eccentricity that often has you
wondering if the filmmakers are simply taking the piss, I’m rather confused
that the Sartana series isn’t more well known. For a start, there’s sense of
campy fun about the gunslinger’s unlikely adventures that sit just on the right
side of ridiculous and if nothing else, the franchise complete with five
(official) entries that all own pulpy titles so flamboyant, they fuck harder
than a bionic horse.
The first entry set the tone with the absurdly muscular
moniker of If You Meet Sartana Pray For Your Death, but barely a year later,
Gianni Garko returned in I Am Sartana Your Angel Of Death, which seemed like a
good sign that the caped gunslinger wasn’t intending to tone down his act…
A seemingly quiet day is suddenly interrupted with the
sound of gunfire, when a remarkably prepared gang robs a bank of $300,000.
However, when I say prepared, I don’t just mean that these guys have studied
the opening times, no, their plans involve misdirection, ambushes, some of the
gang being disguised as soldiers and even a man pretending to play dead into
order to claim a reward and the reasons for all this subterfuge seems to be
that the man behind this robbery is notorious gunslinging tricker, Sartana! Of
course, as often is the case in Sartana adventures, things aren’t all that they
seem and even though the leader of the heist dressed like Sartana and claimed
he was Sartana, the real Sartana isn’t best pleased that a fair amount of
identity theft occured along with the stealing of $300,000.
So, with the desire to clear his name and possibly earn
some money into the bargin, Sartana plays detective, back tracking to question
witnesses about exactly what they saw, but whomever was responsible wasn’t
about to take any chances as the mysterious ringleader shot all the members of
his crew in order to make a clean getaway. However, this isn’t the only
roadblock in our enigmatic leads way as he has to carry out his flamboyant
investigation while the bounty of $10,000 hangs above his head that tends to
bring some unwanted attention.
Among some of the shifty characters on Sartana’s trail
are the opportunistic Shadow, intimidating old acquaintance Deguejo and the
frankly camp Hot Dead, a man who manages to balance out how shitty his is at
gambling by being great at bounty hunting. However, Sartana’s not exactly a
slouch in the brains department, and with quick-shooting vagrant Buddy Ben by
his side, our slippery hero manages to avoid certain death thanks to a mixture
of traps, tricks and, in the most extreme cases, close up magic.
Like a lot of Sergio Leone also-rans, the second Sartana
flick strives to combine as many aspects familiar to the Spaghetti Western as
is humanly possible but at a far more exagerated rate which tends to cause a
notable slide toward self-parody. However, while I Am Sartana Your Angel Of
Death frequently steps a shined cowboy boot into the cowpat of ridicule, it
manages to maintain its pulp credentials nicely by taking the usual themes and
visuals of the genre and channeling them through the lens of a conspiracy
thriller/whodunit. For example, the whole mess kicks off when someone thinks
it’s a good idea to hinge an entire bank robbery on framing a man known across
the land as a fiercely intelligent and determined killer. It’s not even that foolproof
of a disguise as the subterfuge only requires the guilty party to wear a hat
and cloak and happily say “I’m Sartana” to anyone who will listen, but
unbelievably it actually works as the bank staff of Spaghetti Westerns tend to
be about as smart and levelheaded as the average Simpsons character. Maybe it
wouldn’t have been so easy to successfully frame Sartana if he wasn’t so
dashingly enigmatic that giving off smoldering, knowing looks seems to be his
entire personality, but mysterious gunslingers are as mysterious gunslingers do
and why spend time with the logistics when we can just let our hero off the
chain to get to the bottom of this confusing mess.
Thus a stoney faced, returning, Gianni Garko returns to
alternate between impassively out shooting large amounts of the cast (often at
the same time) and looking righteously smug when one of his overly complex
tricks manages to bamboozle an enemy. However, since original director
Gianfranco Parolini had moved on to the similarly far fetched Sabata series,
Giuliano Carnimeo, helmer of The Case Of The Bloody Iris and, er, Ratman,
stepped in to call the shots with a noticably lighter touch. When Sartana isn’t
escaping by MacGyvering his smug ass out of a jail cell with some stolen keys
with a cowboy hat on a string, he’s utterly flummoxing hardened bounty hunters
by fluttering some playing cards at them; but even though you know long in
advance that every speed bump our hero faces is only a double feint that he’s
somehow planned way in advance, it’s still somehow greatly satisfying everytime
he does it. The man has some fucking style too, taking his vengence to
hilarious, gothic extremes in a climax that sees him ducking around a dusty
church, flinging an unlimited number of knives into the ribs of countless
villains while his dishevelled buddy, Buddy Ben, plays an ominous tune on an
organ like our antagonist is the phantom of the fucking saloon or something.
Thankfully, the movie realises that a stern, monosyllabic
gunfighter who is a complete stranger to
any sort of comeuppance is only as good as his wacky supporting cast and so we
have a string of random bounty hunters, sidekicks and wild cards thrown in to
keep the story ricocheting all over the place to the point where it’s almost
impossible to follow. While many are merely single serving psychos and
expendable henchmen, standouts include Frank Wolff’s affable tramp, Buddy Ben
who seems to have Sartana’s back for… reasons; but almost stealing the show is
the exceedingly strange Hot Dead who is played by the exceedingly stranger
Klaus Kinski – again, a veteran of the Sartana saga after playing a completely
different (and noticably dead) charscter in the previous film. A weird,
needlessly gleeful goblin of a man, his whole deal is that he is a fucking
terrible gambler who nevertheless cannot stop betting on literally everything;
however, the silver lining is that he is a chillingly gifted bounty hunter that
kills outlaws to fund his uttedly pathetic habit. In fact there’s numerous
times where you kind of wish that Kinski was the main villain instead of
whoever the hell it ends up being (I lost track in all the gunfire)
Admittedly silly, I Am Sartana Your Angel Of Death, is
still undoubtedly huge fun for those who like their pulp adventures served up
with a heaping side dish of chuckle inducing camp; but maybe that’s the real
con here. Maybe when we’re dropping belly laughs at him rolling wagon wheels
stuffed with dynamite at his enemies, Sartana is actually bamboozling us;
tricking us into having fun with the same type of razzle dazzle he often fucks
over his foes with.
Oh Sartana, you sly bastard.